


running

by campholmes



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Smut, recreational drug use (barely)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-11 02:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10452780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/campholmes/pseuds/campholmes
Summary: Trixie is wrapping up the episode and Katya makes sure to add in a little joke or two. Trixie is squirming in her seat, and Katya finds herself staring at Trixie’s lap, staring so intently that she feels the physical difference, almost a click when she forces her eyes to break away. She looks up at Trixie through her lashes and Trixie’s eyes are on her and Katya can’t stop herself when she says: “Sorry, I’m just so fucking horny.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edging & Romance. this fic is a hot mess. this is heavily based in reality, im taking inspiration from a bunch of things in this, mainly katya’s recent vacation and UNHhhh filming. i really went all out with this and it’s almost entirely self-serving, which is what fanfiction should always be in my opinion. enjoy reading!!! let me kno if you like! theres a tiiiiny mention of shalaska in the beginning. feat. EXCESSIVE use of the word “fuck,” sexual tension (lots of it), and romantic feelings, such as Love and Happiness. find me on tumblr at fleursverts!

Katya’s life is currently in some kind of turmoil.

Katya is fully aware that Alaska wants her to fuck her. And she doesn’t mind, it’s pretty flattering actually, but there’s a slight problem where Katya is in love with Trixie and all that...messy stuff. All those messy feelings.

Alaska has messy feelings too, about, well, _others_ , and Katya knows that Alaska has a “crush” on her in order to forget about a certain Pittsburgh queen that she still texts every single day.

And then, in Katya’s case, well, Katya has been in love with Trixie probably since season 7, she’s not going to lie about that. When she was curled up naked on the bathroom floor of her hotel room, shaking with her limbs freezing off, sometimes she would think of Trixie and her mind would calm down for a second.

Just a second, though, she didn’t really allow herself any contentment in that competition.

Trixie was really the only one there who _got_ her, she thought she was funny and she would hug Katya right back. Katya liked her arms. When Trixie left it wasn’t earth-shattering (Katya’s earth was already pretty fucking shattered, thank you very much), but it did feel like a last straw, a final collapse, or the ultimate unravelling of a very thin thread. 

Katya doesn’t want to blame her little snatch game freakout or her final breakdown on Trixie leaving, but.

The thing is, Katya has always liked those moments where she can look across the room and see Trixie, and sometimes Trixie is already looking right back at her or she can sense Katya’s eyes and she looks, and they can exchange a small smile. 

Katya likes that, and she can’t pinpoint when, exactly, that started but she knows that it’s been going on for a while and it’s not going to stop anytime soon.

Katya is bursting with it. The only way she can get her frustrations out is by telling Trixie how much she wants to fuck her, how she would _totally_ fuck her if Trixie wanted, she would eat Trixie’s ass for hours on end if Trixie asked her to. Trixie will always laugh it off, and if there’s a glimmer in her eyes then Katya is imagining it. It’s wishful thinking at it’s most desperate.

Katya _feels_ desperate. Her fingers are itchy so she smokes more, her mind is swirling so she lies in her bed and lets it, instead of using all of this energy for something productive.

She’s always thinking of Trixie. And when it comes time to go to Thailand and not have to speak to Trixie for a few weeks she’s glad for the break.

Every time Trixie talks to her she reads into it so deeply, desperate to see what she is looking for, and she can never tell if she does. It’s driving her insane.

Thailand isn’t all it’s cracked up to be-- it’s wonderful but if she really thought that she could stop thinking about Trixie she was wrong.

Having so much time to _think_ was Not a good thing-- she’s relaxed physically but in complete turmoil mentally and somehow over the trip she’s decided that if she doesn’t do something she’s going to have to make a choice, like move away, or quit drag, or something, she’ll have to _disappear_ since seeing Trixie will become too much very soon.

She has to stop dithering or else something very bad will happen. She’ll combust.

```

The next time she sees Trixie, they’re going to be filming a few more episodes late into the night, enough for about a month and a half of Mondays.

So she’s prepared herself mentally and physically for whatever happens, she meditated for two hours after waking up, and she’s ready to either destroy or create a relationship out of whatever mess they have right now.

Trixie broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago, she knows. And she doesn’t know why or who broke up with who since she hasn’t had time to have a real conversation with Trixie about it yet. But she’s worried about it-- what if Trixie doesn’t like her and all of the signals have been wrong? Also, what are these “signals” that she thinks she’s seen? She has no idea, it could all be in her head. 

But she can’t stop thinking about how Trixie will rest her hand on the small of Katya’s back when they’re in full drag and lead her around at a meet and greet, how it makes Katya shiver and if she looks up at Trixie she’s smirking a little.

She can’t stop thinking about how Trixie touches her. How she squeezes her hand so tight. 

Katya thinks she’s ready for whatever will happen but honestly, she isn’t and she never will be. That’s okay, though. She has to do this or (overdramatic or not) she will literally die.

```

Trixie comes in with her pink Starbucks drink and she’s smiling and happy, and Katya’s heart squeezes a little at each of her laughs as she hugs everyone. Then she turns to Katya and grins, her eyes running up and down her, from her feet to her forehead, and Katya shivers like she does.

“Hey,” she laughs, her voice cracking a little. Katya is maybe a little hard. She grins and jumps from the chair, grabs Trixie around the waist and squeezes her tight, saying hello back and smiling so hard. Trixie smells good.

Now, she’s positive that something is different, Trixie is looking at her different when she pulls away, her pupils are big and she’s flushed. And Katya wants to scream in frustration, they have hours of filming ahead and she doesn’t know when they’ll get a moment to themselves.

Katya won’t be stupid about this, she wants to talk to Trixie, really _talk_ , about what happened and what Trixie wants and what Katya wants. She’s going to talk about it with her, try to minimize the damage if there’s going to be any.

They paint together and get dressed in the dressing room but they do that at different times, not together, and it’s Katya’s fault because she knows that she’ll do something stupid if Trixie is half-naked right next to her and she doesn’t trust Trixie either.

So she goes out for a smoke and downs half an iced coffee that someone ran to get for her, waiting until she’s sure that Trixie is dressed and ready to go back inside.

Sure, when the episode is edited it will show a “buzz” when Katya touches Trixie, but here’s the thing, _she can feel it too_ , in her stomach when she touches Trixie’s leg or arm. And she’s sweating _so much_ , like more than usual, so they decide that they should have a half-hour break so that Katya can get dried off. Fuck.

So Katya and Trixie go out back and Katya lights her fourth cigarette of the day, Fuck _again_ , and Trixie stands with her and jokes around about her sweat while she smokes it.

Katya laughs along, but then Trixie winks at her and Katya isn’t even listening to what she’s saying but her dick pulses under her pattern-problem dress and she’s _so fucked_. She can’t help it.

She reaches and holds Trixie’s right shoulder with her left hand, smoke only half exhaled, and pulls her in fast for a crushing kiss. Trixie responds _instantly_ , fuck, she was waiting for it, and Katya can feel the smoke migrate into Trixie’s mouth.

It’s so hot-- Trixie pushes her up against the brick wall and she can feel the roughness of it pricking into her back, so much for not sweating because her body temperature has raised by about ten degrees. Trixie is biting her bottom lip and Katya groans so loudly, it would almost have been embarrassing if Trixie didn’t react so favorably, moaning and pressing their bodies together so tight and close, their untucked dicks rubbing up against each other. 

Katya can’t breathe, she’s still holding her lit cigarette in her right hand and trying to keep it as far from Trixie as possible, she can’t think and all she wants to do is touch Trixie, she wants to strip her suffocating dress off right now, in the back alley, in the broad daylight, she wants to see Trixie’s bare ass and she wants to see it _immediately_. 

But she has one single moment of realization of where, exactly, they are. And she pulls away first, mumbling, “the filming…” and Trixie nods once, her eyes heavy-lidded and dark, and lets go of Katya slowly, pulling away from her like velcro, and nods again to her cigarette, motioning for her to finish it when she goes in to fix her makeup.

She’s gone just like that.

Katya is shaking hard, she doesn’t know what to do now, how to do it, whatever it is. She finishes her cigarette and creeps back in, going immediately to her makeup and fixing it, all of her lipstick is everywhere from her chin to her cheekbones and she feels so hot, knowing that Trixie did this to her, Trixie doesn’t even like to fuck in drag but she was so hard against Katya and she was groaning so loudly in Katya’s ear. 

Katya has got to stop thinking about it, fuck.

Once her makeup is as good as it’s going to get (nobody will notice anyway, she’s sure), she walks confidently (Not) over to the green screen where Trixie is sitting in her chair, looking down at her phone. Her eyelids and massive lashes flutter up to look at Katya, and Katya gulps.

Katya is breathing so heavily and she can feel Trixie’s warmth next to her, even though they’re set up like a foot away from each other. Trixie makes a joke and Katya slaps her on the bicep, and when their skin touches she pulls away as if she was burned. She can see Trixie’s adam’s apple dip as she swallows, and she has to shift in her seat a little to find a comfortable position. It doesn’t work.

Katya is in shock that it happened so quickly. Maybe she was just being ignorant? Maybe she didn’t realize that Trixie was giving her hints. She doesn’t know, but Trixie was more prepared for this than her. It’s not like she’s complaining.

Katya is so, extremely horny and she can’t think-- her eyes are watering, she’s on the brink of insanity. She knows that the both of them must look ridiculous, she doesn’t even know what they’re saying but she knows that her hand is grabbing for Trixie’s and holding it so tight that her own fingers are falling asleep.

Katya is wheezing at a joke that Trixie just told, but she barely heard it, she knows that her neck is bright red and that her wig must be a mess, she keeps tugging at it compulsively. Every time Trixie touches her her dick twitches in her skirt, and she’s losing her composure as the seconds go by.

Everyone else in the room can tell. Katya doesn’t know if this is true or if her brain is just telling her so, but she is 99% positive that they can, since Trixie keeps side-eyeing the back of the room. She trusts Trixie’s judgement. Katya wants to calm down but she _can’t_ , Trixie wants to fuck her, like, they’re going to fuck after this for certain and they still have three more episodes to film.

```

After a long while of feverish desperation, she eventually gets over it somewhat and can think clearer. She just has to get through a few more hours, it’s not that big of a deal. When Trixie looks at her her skin still vibrates and she’s still sweating profusely but she makes it through the episode without any major issues.

But then there’s another break to contend with, and everyone behind the camera is looking at them suspiciously, like they want to know what’s going to happen when the camera shuts off and Katya could scream.

When they finish the episode, Katya immediately mumbles something about having to piss and that she’ll “...see Trixie later,” meaning _don’t fucking follow me we can’t do this right now_. Katya stumbles to the bathroom and locks herself in, she doesn’t have to pee since she’s been sweating bullets but she stands against the wall and tries to take deep breaths, glares at herself in the mirror. 

She looks hot, fucked-out. There’s a bead of sweat dripping from her temple to her cheekbone and she takes some tissues to blot it and the rest of her forehead. She fans herself quickly and then washes her hands, they feel sticky and sweaty.

Then she stands and stares at herself some more. It’s happening, she’s going to fuck Trixie. Tonight.

Fuck.

```

Katya takes another quick smoke break outside, hoping that Trixie won’t come out to see her but also struggling with the reality that that’s all she wants. She wants Trixie to come storming out the door, grab her wrist with her strong fingers, and pull her to the street, call a cab and take her home.

She wants to fuck Trixie into the mattress and she wants it Right Now. But the edging is kinda hot, the desperation. She just doesn’t know how much longer it will be “hot” and when it will turn into “unbearable agony,” and she’s afraid that it will be soon. 

She almost tiptoes back inside, she’s wary of the atmosphere of the room. But it seems pretty casual, and she goes over to the table up against the right wall to grab some pretzels and grapes. Trixie is standing there eating an apple that she sliced up to preserve her lipstick.

Katya inches close to Trixie who looks at her silently and almost stone-faced but for a tiny smile that Katya knows only she can see.

“Hungry?” Trixie wiggles her eyebrows, laughs a little at her own stupid joke as Katya rolls her eyes. 

“I’m starving, you gigantic fucking bitch,” Katya grabs a handful of pretzels and a water bottle and sits on the table next to where Trixie is standing.

“Not gigantic anymore,” Trixie offers, gesturing to her new tiny waist and chiseled arms. Katya isn’t drooling but it’s unfair, and she wants to whine about it until Trixie shuts the fuck up. 

“Yeah, now you’re real daddy material,” Katya wheezes as Trixie punches her in the shoulder. The tension is broken for maybe a few minutes as they sit in silence, but Katya can feel the temperature rising under her recent costume change. 

“Look.”

“Hey--” they both start at the same time and Katya’s eyes boggle, she gestures for Trixie to continue. 

“Look. I’m going to tell you everything right now so we can get over it quicker because honestly, I’m planning on taking you home with me, I douched before this and I am so ready,” Trixie is whispering fast, right hand clamped around Katya’s bicep so hard it hurts, knowing they have to get back to work in minutes. Katya groans and drops her head into her hands. Too much.

“Okay, lay it on me,” Katya replies, muffled by her hands.

“I broke up with him. I had to, I’m in love with you. And I thought you knew and didn’t care. I thought you didn’t want me. So I had to find someone else because you kept joking about fucking me but you don’t like relationships so, I guess… what do you want from me? Because I am literally in love with you. I wouldn’t joke about that. And I need you to tell me how you feel before we do this because if this is just a one-off for you then we need to stop this right now and I need to go home,” Trixie isn’t taking a single breath, just whispering as fast as she can and there’s at least one pair of uninvited eyes on them that had to see how Katya looked up so quickly when Trixie said that she loved her. Katya hopes to god or whoever’s up there that they didn’t hear.

“Trixie. I love you too, I love you too. Fuck,” Katya is speechless and she can’t kiss Trixie, they have to wait. She grabs both of Trixie’s hands with her own and twists their fingers together. She can’t stop grinning, she kisses Trixie’s hands open-mouthed with white teeth against skin, gingerly so as to not leave a mark, hoping it looked like a joke.

Fuck.

Looking into each other’s eyes, they read other’s minds for the millionth time and they break apart at the same time, both grinning widely. They scooch over and sit down, ready to film again and Katya can still feel Trixie’s warm air on her right side. They’re talking about something ridiculous and Katya is rambling, she knows she is but she can’t stop.

Trixie is looking at her though, she’s watching her and nodding and smiling and Katya’s noticed her do that before but also sometimes she ignores Katya completely, and this time she’s watching so intently.

Her eyes follow Katya’s hands as they circle in the air in front of her and they move upwards to look into Katya’s eyes again.

Katya is so horny for her.

In her mind Katya is watching Trixie say she loves her over and over, looping. She wants to worship Trixie’s body, wants to tightly wrap her hands around her ankles and push her fingers upwards against her leg hair, wants to kiss her dick. Then she wants to flip her over and bite both cheeks, lick a long stripe between them, teasing.

Trixie is wrapping up the episode and Katya makes sure to add in a little joke or two. Trixie is squirming in her seat, and Katya finds herself staring at Trixie’s lap, staring so intently that she feels the physical difference, almost a click when she forces her eyes to break away. She looks up at Trixie through her lashes and Trixie’s eyes are on her and Katya can’t stop herself when she says: “Sorry, I’m just so fucking horny.”

Trixie gulps but then laughs loudly, covering it up, and her big booming laugh makes Katya giggle even though she just Fucked Up. Trixie almost falls off her chair but when she gets back up she looks at the back of the room and her eyes are sparkling but she has a serious tone when she says: “Don’t put that in.”

Katya squirms, maybe Trixie is mad? But then she turns to Katya with a grin and her eyes are still sparkling and she’s so beautiful. Her makeup looks extra good today, and she’s wearing a pink dress that Katya has never seen before.

```

It was way too easy for Katya to fall in love with Trixie. It was almost ridiculous and foolish of her to let it be that easy-- of course she would fall for the cutest one on Drag Race, of course she would fall for his goofy boy clothes and hats and of course she wouldn’t let her little crush go before it was too late.

Now, Katya has many close friends and some far friends, and all of them know. Because it’s impossible to not know. Alaska knows, and Katya can look at her and see that she’s upset that Katya loves Trixie but mostly she’s upset that Katya won’t do anything about it.

Well, if only Alaska could see her now.

The next couple of hours pass by fast. Katya focuses on Trixie’s fingers and how she talks, Katya likes her accent and how her words flow. She also likes it when Trixie screws up a word or two, then keeps going as if it didn’t happen.

Trixie is the most. 

Katya feels like she is orbiting Trixie. On another astral plane, but as she’s sitting next to Trixie after their quick change and makeup switch-up, she is outside of her body.

Trixie feels grounded, something about her strong energy she is pushing in Katya’s direction, but Katya is floating, twirling like smoke in the stuffy air of the basement, around Trixie’s head and framing her body but not quite touching it. 

The next two episodes are a blur. Katya knows that now it’s dark outside, and they’re nearing the end. When she steps outside to rush home with Trixie on her heels, she will feel winded by the sudden darkness, like stepping out of a movie into the night. Her feet will fall out from under her.

She doesn’t dare get de-dragged here. Trixie is gathering up all of her stuff in the main room and Katya rushes to the dressing room to get all of her stuff, throwing dresses into bags and chucking wigs around carelessly. When she’s done she goes to meet Trixie, who’s still in a white nightgown but is wearing sneakers.

They lock eyes for a minute, Katya knows that her eyes are dark and green, her pupils wide, she’s starting to sweat again.

They both move to say their goodbyes and leave out the door. It’s a blur of people and last-minute calendar checks, and Katya’s mind is whirring faster than it ever has. Trixie’s arm brushes against hers and Katya’s breath stops for a good fifteen seconds until she remembers how to breathe again.

Somehow they end up outside with Trixie’s car, Katya dumping her bags into the trunk and climbing into the passenger seat. She gathers up all of her breath in her lungs, holds her diaphragm there for a moment and lets it out, hisses it as Trixie is clunking around outside of the car.

Trixie opens the door and sits down and Katya whips her head to the left to face her. Katya has to touch, she lifts up shaking fingers to cup Trixie’s chin and pulls her across the arm rest, touches their lips for a second, the waxy lipstick mixing. Too quick, and when she pulls away Trixie groans audibly and starts the engine.

They don’t speak but Katya runs her hand down from Trixie’s neck along her arm and entwines her fingers with Trixie’s. She rubs her thumb from Trixie’s inner wrist to the tip of her thumbnail, across her fingerprint, over and over, and Trixie is breathing heavily as Katya shifts in her seat.

Trixie pulls from her grip and turns the radio on, turning up the volume just before loud, Katya is grateful for the distraction but she also just wants to get _home_ , and the traffic isn’t too bad but you never know in LA. 

It’s dark and Katya watches the streetlights and headlights flash across Trixie’s face. She wants Trixie naked and sweaty and dirty, she wants to cum on Trixie’s chest and rub it into her tan skin.

Trixie keeps heaving these massive sighs, presumably attempting to calm herself down, and it can’t possibly be working. Katya is on edge, she’s been on edge for hours and each time Trixie sighs she wants to stick two fingers in her mouth so she has something to suck on. Trixie keeps licking her lips and Katya wants to feel her tongue against her fingers so fucking badly.

Katya zones out looking at Trixie in the yellow light of the night and she almost doesn’t realize when Trixie pulls up at her apartment but she does, she does realize and she almost falls out of the car when she gets her foot stuck on her bag sitting on the floor and Trixie bursts into laughter, screeching and wheezing and Katya can’t help but join her.

The ridiculousness of the situation becomes so apparent in that moment and soon they are climbing the stairs to Trixie’s apartment falling all over each other laughing, and their skin is touching and sizzling. Trixie is fumbling with the key as Katya grips her arm violently, and then they’re falling into the front hall, their bags left behind as they both clamber into the bathroom, still holding on tight. 

Trixie is still giggling as Katya presses her down to sit on the toilet seat, still giggling as Katya gently unpins her wig and runs her fingers through Trixie’s sweaty hair with quick fingers. Trixie gets up and pushes Katya gently towards the door.

“Go get undressed, I’m jumping in the shower,” she states breathlessly, Katya nods and stumbles out into Trixie’s bedroom, pulling off her wig and her dress. She goes back out in the hall to find a shirt in one of her bags but then thinks better of it.

She needs a shower too, to wash the makeup off.

Katya pulls off her lashes and underwear and opens the bathroom door loud enough that Trixie will hear. She pulls the curtain back and Trixie is standing there, rock hard under the stream. She’s staring at Katya almost shyly and Katya hops in the shower, inches towards her.

Katya puts both palms flat on Trixie’s shoulders, rests her fingers flat down against her back and digs them in, her thumbs tracing along Trixie’s collarbone. She’s looking into Trixie’s eyes, brown again with dark pupils as they flicker across Katya’s face.

“One sec, let me get this makeup off,” Katya mumbles, smirking slightly as she reaches for Trixie’s real makeup remover, squeezing a dollop onto her palm and rubbing it all over her face, letting the hot spray of the water wash it all off. Trixie’s makeup is long gone, she just has a slight ring of eyeliner around her eyes and Katya’s sure that she will as well.

Once Katya’s face and neck are rinsed she turns to Trixie again, who had been running her left hand up and down Katya’s right side, digging into each rib and squeezing her hip. She’s done waiting, and after a moment of staring Trixie is wrapping her other arm around Katya and their dicks are rubbing together, bare, and Katya is so hot under the stream, Trixie is kissing her so hard and Katya pushes her tongue into Trixie’s mouth, running it along her teeth in quick strokes.

Katya takes both of their dicks in hand and pumps them, Trixie is so hot and her fingers are digging into the muscles on her back and into her sides, Trixie’s hands are all over her, running up and down and tickling and Katya is moaning so loudly, she groans when Trixie pulls at her short hair and bites her earlobe at the same time. 

Katya is kissing the left side of Trixie’s neck, her left hand pinching Trixie’s right nipple and she lets go, pulls two fingers together and presses them against Trixie’s lips where Trixie opens her warm mouth and lets them in, her tongue rolling over them and making permanent imprints of her tastebuds on Katya’s fingertips. 

Katya speeds up her right hand and Trixie is gasping around Katya’s fingers and she cums, Katya following milliseconds later and collapsing onto Trixie’s chest, Trixie’s back against the cold tile. They are frozen for a moment, Katya’s eyes are tight shut and their chests are heaving against each other.

Katya wheezes out a little laugh, they’re still standing in the shower and the water is almost cold but not quite yet, she pulls Trixie to standing next to her and rubs soap onto a washcloth, runs it over Trixie’s tired body and rinses it, then repeats the action on herself as Trixie washes her hair.

Trixie then smiles at her, so softly Katya’s heart stutters, and slathers shampoo between her hands, gently pulls her fingers back and forth through Katya’s hair, rubbing her scalp. Katya’s eyes close and Trixie tilts her head back a little to stop the shampoo from getting in them, and Katya feels a gentle, pillowy kiss on her lips. She grins and Trixie maneuvers her under the stream, rinsing her hair out.

```

Trixie turns the water off and they follow each other out of the shower, drying off with pink towels from the linen closet. Once she’s dry, Katya drops her towel into the hamper and walks into Trixie’s bedroom, taking a moment to look back at Trixie and smile gently.

She sits on the end of the bed completely naked, and when Trixie comes in she takes her hands and pulls her to lay down next to her. 

Katya is grinning widely, she can’t help it. She’s in love and Trixie loves her and she can _tell_ , Trixie is smiling at her in a way that she realizes is only for her, only for Katya and she’s never seen Trixie look at anyone else the way that she looks at her.

Trixie has white sheets and a white duvet, and she has a little hot pink accent pillow right by Katya’s head that she grabs and places under her armpit, props herself up to look into Trixie’s eyes, they’re so brown and soft.

Katya is quickly, as in within the span of about five hours, becoming obsessed with holding hands with Trixie. She takes Trixie’s right hand and holds it in both of hers, running her fingers along Trixie’s and kissing her fingernails. 

She feels ridiculous but she feels _good_ , it feels good to be romantic and she’s still somewhat in denial that this is happening right now but at the same time she knows that this is exactly where she’s supposed to be.

Trixie has a balcony outside of her bedroom and Katya needs a cigarette like a half hour ago, but right now she wants to lay here with Trixie’s breath softly bumping into her face, making her eyelashes flutter in reflex for just twenty more seconds. She can make it twenty more seconds.

Trixie sees her looking, though, and props herself up with a grunt, walks over to her dresser and grabs two pairs of boxers, throwing one to Katya. Then she rummages around on the floor in Katya’s bag and grabs her cigarettes and her lighter and holds out her hand to pull Katya up, her arm flexes so nicely with Katya’s weight on it.

Katya puts on the boxers-- they’re a little too big, but she really doesn’t care, and takes her cigarettes from Trixie, follows her out on the balcony, sits in one of the plastic chairs as she lights up, looking out over West Hollywood in the night around them. Trixie’s eyes are closed and she looks so much younger, like she did that first day after the elimination, when they were all sitting in the workroom eating dinner out of drag and everyone was so tired.

Katya’s heart aches.

“Can you believe we’ve made it here?” Trixie startles Katya, her eyes are still closed and she’s breathing deeply, seemingly with no regard for Katya’s smoke.

“Yeah, yeah I can. I’ve always wanted to fuck you, Barbara,” Katya smirks, “...but, no. Not really. I mean, I’ve known that I loved you since filming. And I never thought that I’d get you,” Katya takes a long drag and breathes out through her nose, leans forward on her elbows on the table. The light from inside Trixie’s bedroom is orange across her face and Trixie’s eyes are open now, burning into her.

“Me too, ever since I left the first time and all I could think about was you, if I would see you soon, how badly I wanted you to win. How I wanted to see you so bad but I also didn’t want to see you ‘cause I didn’t want you to be sent home-- then I realized that I wasn’t even sad about being eliminated. I was just worried about you, I really was a dumbass with no self-esteem,” Trixie laughed through her last words but Katya knew what she meant.

It feels like it’s been so _long_ since season 7, but really, Katya realizes, it hasn’t been. And they both look older (Katya more than Trixie) and they’ve both changed so much but maybe they haven’t wasted as much time as Katya was worried that they had. 

Maybe this was the perfect time, the right time. Maybe they have both grown just enough to be able to be grown-ups in this one aspect-- loving each other. Katya never thought that she would settle down. But now, she realizes, settling down isn’t necessarily an idea of a _time_ or a _mindset_ , it can be the stark, unchanging reality of a _person_. 

And she knows for sure that Trixie is that person.

There’s a slight breeze and Katya can feel it on the back of her neck and in her hair, and Trixie is still looking at her, eyes scanning over her face and body. Katya is almost done with her cigarette and Trixie likes how her sharp cheekbone is highlighted by the light from her room and contoured by the darkness of the night. Katya is stunningly beautiful in and out of drag, all sides and genders of her are exquisite and Trixie is beyond lucky to be able to know each and every one of them.

There’s a siren ringing in the distance and Trixie feels at home. She didn’t grow up here, neither of them did, and she never thought as a kid that she would get to a point where she was living in a warm place and getting paid well, sitting out on the balcony of her own apartment with the love of her life on a warm spring night half-naked.

Trixie’s heart is heavy and it feels pleasant, it feels like she’s full. Tomorrow they will wake up together, the sun will be out and they will be out here again bright and early, Katya burning her skin to a crisp smoking her morning cigarette, Trixie pulling her chair to the shaded corner.

But for right now, she has the peace to be able to live in this moment, and Katya’s bare foot is resting on top of hers, and she’s warm, she’s home.

```

When Katya is done she stands with both arms braced on the armrests of the chair, Trixie watches her veins before following, scraping her chair against the concrete.

Katya doesn’t want to admit it, but her mind is running. Not in a bad way, but in a _two-bedroom house in West Hollywood, dinner parties, date night, morning coffee together, mowing the lawn_ kind of way, running through her ideals of a domestic life with Trixie. So she pulls Trixie down on the bed and lays down on top of her, holds her cheeks in both hands and kisses her hot and wet, smoker breath be damned, to distract herself.

Trixie whines a little and pulls Katya harder against her, Katya turns them on their side and breaks free to lead Trixie by the hips to lay with her knees on the bed, bent so Katya can shove the pink pillow under her stomach, pull her boxers off, prop her ass up right in Katya’s face.

Katya talks a lot of shit about loving to eat ass (pun NOT intended, thank you very much), but in reality yes, she does love to eat ass That Much. And she’s been staring at Trixie’s ass imagining her face stuffed between her cheeks for _years_. 

She squeezes Trixie’s cheeks, digs her fingers into the soft skin. She kisses both of them, smacking her lips loudly and Trixie’s muffled laugh from being half-buried in the pillow makes her grin, teeth against skin.

Katya bites down then, bites down _hard_ , and Trixie gasps, lets out a prolonged groan that makes Katya’s dick twitch as she’s still biting down, sucking. She’s always wanted to leave a mark on Trixie’s ass, to match her birthmark on her chest, she feels crazy and she’s so turned on knowing that Trixie douched before going to WOW, knowing that she was going to try to get Katya to fuck her, to eat her ass.

Katya’s eyes are almost crossing as she licks a stripe up Trixie’s crack, and Trixie is panting already, humping the pink pillow against her dick slowly. Katya can’t help it, she dives right in, circles Trixie’s hole with her tongue, then sticks it in as far as she can, thrusts in and out, her tongue cramps and one hand is rolling Trixie’s balls between her fingers, one squeezing and pinching her cheeks, Trixie is moaning out loud, freely, but Katya doesn’t want her to cum yet, wants to fuck her _now_.

Katya gets up on shaky legs (a theme of the day, she figures, not being able to fucking walk) and fumbles with the drawer of the bedside table as Trixie moans with the loss, humping faster into the pillow.

Katya finds the lube and a condom, throws them down on the bed, pulls her boxers off and grips Trixie’s hips to still them. Trixie whines again. Every single noise Trixie makes makes Katya’s dick twitch, and she needs to be inside Trixie immediately.

She slides the condom on and slathers probably too much lube on her fingers, sticks two inside Trixie, who bears down on them, groaning as Katya opens her up. Katya can’t help but giggle, it’s ridiculous how turned on she is, she’s never felt this way before and when Trixie starts laughing loudly she realizes why.

It’s because she’s in love, and it’s because she’s in love that she keeps laughing as she lubes herself up and slowly pushes into Trixie. She can see Trixie’s face now and Trixie’s eyes are rolled into the back of her head as Katya pushes in, starts to fuck into her slowly and steadily, yelping as Katya finds her prostate.

“H-harder, bitch,” Trixie laughs, pushing her hips back to meet Katya’s, grinning back at her over her shoulder, and Katya obeys, thrusting faster and harder and she’s laughing as she fucks Trixie, she’s about to cum but Trixie cums first, tightening around Katya with a yell and the tight grip sends Katya over the edge.

Katya pulls out quickly since she knows she’ll be too tired to do it later, throws the condom off the edge of the bed, they’ll worry about that later. She’s so sweaty and Trixie’s eyes are almost closing, so she reaches over and pulls her in for a messy, open-mouthed kiss before they both nod off.

They’re both sweaty, sticky and Trixie’s face has a sheen to it. Trixie is kissing Katya lazily, thumb on her cheekbone and Katya is holding Trixie’s other hand in hers, against her heart on her chest.

They fall asleep like that, legs tangled and on top of the sheets, holding hands and breathing each other’s air.

```

The first thing that wakes Katya is the need to piss. Then she feels hot and sweaty, dirty. She’s confused as to where she is but she feels comfortable, she’s not worried about the strange bed or the warm body next to her, and that’s when she remembers.

Her eyes open so quick, and she’s holding Trixie as Trixie sleeps still. Trixie looks young and innocent, Katya remembers the hickey she left on her ass cheek though and she gently pulls herself apart from Trixie to go to the bathroom.

After she pees she hops in the shower quick. She doesn’t know what time it is but it’s a weekday and she doesn’t have anything on the calendar for today, the sun is up so why not get ready. 

When Katya gets up she stays up but she knows that Trixie will be sleeping for a little while longer.

After showering she goes back into the bedroom to find something to wear, digging in Trixie’s drawers and finding an old Katya shirt and some random boxers that she pulls on.

Trixie is still sleeping and Katya watches her for a second, she really does look so young and good, so _Trixie Mattel_ , from Wisconsin, silly and goofy, confident and cutting. She’s the love of Katya’s life, she is, but Katya feels a little creepy watching her sleep so she goes to find the coffee maker.

After Katya has been sitting on Trixie’s couch drinking coffee and reading Trixie’s Barbie coffee table book for a good half hour, she hears the shower turn on and smiles. Soon Trixie will come in and talk to her, she’ll get to talk to Trixie and right now she’s waking up with Trixie and having a morning with Trixie, they’re going to drink coffee together and talk about what they’re doing today, and Katya gets to look into Trixie’s brown eyes.

Trixie comes in a few minutes later in boxers and a t-shirt, and she’s rubbing her eyes but she stops in the doorway, smiling at Katya down on the couch.

“Good morning!” Katya is just, excited to see her. Excited to wake up to her, to live alongside her.

Trixie is smiling softly and she says good morning back, gets her own coffee and sits gingerly next to Katya on the couch, only an inch of space between them that Katya scoots to fill. Their bare legs are touching and Katya likes it so, so much. Fuck.

The best part of it for Katya is how happy Trixie looks.

And then-- how did she not know?

“Fuck, Trix…how did I not know? How did I not know you loved me? Why didn’t I let myself see it?” Katya hates that she’s saying this so early in the morning, Trixie is about to answer but she takes a big sip of coffee first.

“Katya...come on. You can’t beat yourself up over it, like that’s ridiculous. We were both stupid. Both of us, foolish and stuck in our own heads. We’re boyfriends now, so let’s get over it...let’s make up for lost time and not worry about the bullshit we put each other through in the past. We figured it out, you know?” Katya nods, and also _Trixie said boyfriends_ , she’s lucky she doesn’t have to ask, Trixie reads her mind and Katya reads Trixie’s mind and she loves her, god she loves her.

“We figured it out,” Katya smiles and rests her head on Trixie’s shoulder. Trixie smells good, clean. Katya likes her warmth and how she’s breathing, Katya’s head raising up and down with each breath, Trixie’s breaths are wonderful and she’s alive. Katya is alive too. They figured it out.

```

Both of them have the day off, and they spend it together without discussing it. It’s a given, and Katya is comforted knowing that this is what they were like before and this is what they are like in a relationship. In a relationship, fuck.

Trixie drives them to a vegetarian restaurant that she really likes, and Katya doesn’t especially care for any kind of fake LA veggie weirdness but she’s more than happy to go with Trixie if Trixie likes it.

Katya can’t stop thinking how they’re dating.

They know Trixie at the restaurant, it’s disgustingly friendly and they wink at her when she walks in the door holding Katya’s hand. Katya likes it-- people seeing her and Trixie as a couple, she can’t wrap her head around it, they love each other and she’s been ruminating over it for so long that now that it’s real it feels extremely _unreal_. 

But then Trixie’s eyes meet hers as she sits across from her at the table and Katya feels a seeping sense of home and calm.

Trixie pulls out her phone to take a picture of their shared meal, veggie burger and salad both split in two and their pink lemonade, and Katya doesn’t expect anything less than that she’s going to post it to Instagram and tag Katya in it, put the location as this tiny restaurant that she likes so much and write a caption about how they were hanging out. 

But then Trixie pauses and looks up at Katya, worry written across her brow and her eyes and Katya is curious, Trixie loves Instagram and oh! she should probably tell Amy about this, fuck Amy will be so happy--

“What should we do about this, you know, publicly?” Trixie looks genuinely surprised that she has to think about this and Katya didn’t really think about it either. 

It’s so fucking bizarre to have even a tiny slice of fame, and even more bizarre that now they have to think about how they should tell the masses-- _if_ they should tell the masses about their new relationship.

Katya shrugs. “I have no idea. I mean, I don’t want to feel like I have to hide anything but I don’t want to like, overshare, if that makes sense. Post that picture, though,” she’s too happy, wants a timestamp, documentation. Trixie smiles softly and goes back to her phone, sends the photo off.

They eat and talk about anything and everything, they’ve never run out of things to talk about and Katya loves to make Trixie laugh. Katya is laughing at one of Trixie’s stupid jokes and she almost knocks her lemonade over with her flailing hand, she grabs it to stop it from falling but so does Trixie and once the glass is stable around their two hands Katya twists her wrist to slot her fingers between Trixie’s.

They hold hands for the rest of the meal and it’s hard to eat with one hand but it’s worth it. Katya wouldn’t let go for anything at this point.

```

They spend the whole day together, going to a couple vintage stores and sitting on a bench in a park so Katya can smoke, at some point Katya pulls up snapchat and she ends up putting almost the entire event on her story, and Trixie is sure that they’re holding hands in lots of the videos and she’s surprisingly okay with it.

Katya is wearing her normal, basic boy clothes and so is Trixie but Katya looks so hot, looks completely edible especially when they’re sitting next to each other on the warm metal bench and Katya is exhaling smoke into the spring air, her biceps flexing and her veins bulging as she lifts the cigarette up to her lips and pulls it away again and again. The sun is bright on her face and her eyes are closed, her blonde eyelashes are sparkling and Trixie can’t help it, she presses a kiss to her cheek right under her eye.

Katya’s eyes fly open and she smiles at Trixie, her eyes crinkling and Trixie kisses those wrinkles, she’s always wanted to and Katya wheezes with laughter.

Sometimes when Katya laughs Trixie thinks that Katya is the human embodiment of happiness. Trixie knows that Katya is self-aware, extremely self-aware, and Trixie can see Katya _alive_ in every moment.

But altogether Katya is so silly and wonderful, she’s so much herself that everyone she meets feels free to be completely themselves as well.

Trixie is so in love with her, and when Katya pulls her up from the bench with her hand, drags her along the shaded path for whatever adventure she’s planning next there’s nowhere else that Trixie would rather be.

They end up walking back to Trixie’s car and Katya’s stuff is already piled in the back, it’s about 5 pm and Trixie has to drop Katya off at home, they could easily stay together forever but Katya wants to get some weed and clean clothes, when Trixie leaves Katya at her door with all of her bags Katya pulls her in for a rough kiss. 

Pulling apart, Katya says, “...see you tonight?” and Trixie grins, nods. She waves goodbye cheekily, Katya winks at her and then the door is shut and Trixie is alone.

Trixie walks back to her car and sits in the driver’s seat for a minute, Katya is inside and she can feel her heart tug.

Katya is inside, and Trixie loves her, Katya is probably already smoking and she’s thinking of Trixie and smiling to herself, and Trixie is thinking of her too. She will come back to Katya’s later, or maybe Katya will come to hers again, and tomorrow morning they’ll wake up together, neither of them have any obligations again so maybe they’ll spend tomorrow together, too.

Trixie will be able to touch Katya’s eyebrows and bottom lip with her fingers. She’ll get to see Katya around Christmas and give her a birthday present that’s more heartfelt. She’ll get to hold Katya’s hand many more times in the future, and maybe she’ll get to hold Katya’s hand when Katya’s hair is shock white and her hands are (more) wrinkled, when they aren’t in clubs every Saturday night and when they’re kissing each other goodnight in their small, messy house in West Hollywood on a summer evening.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hasn’t seen Trixie in almost three whole weeks, which didn’t used to be a problem or even abnormal, but since they started dating or whatever around six months ago they haven’t been apart for more than a week and a half. She suspects that that’s probably contributing to her tense shoulders but that doesn’t seem healthy. She doesn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaass! i know that some people wanted this (or less specifically more canon fics) and i never really thought that i would write this! well, here it is! this is just a short addition to this universe, with more edging because...thats just the whole fic i guess! this is very self-serving~! i love myself so i wrote this basically. someone requested more UHNhhh-like dialogue and i hope that this is that? who knows. shoutout to lale & matilda wow here we all are tonight, together, love it. hope you like!!! love you all. tumblr: fleursverts

Katya slams the door to the dressing room behind her, thank _god_ she was able to take a smoke break before this otherwise she would be even more stressed out, she’s so fucking sweaty already but at least she has a full face on, her phone won’t stop ringing and she pulls it out of the back pocket of her jeans and puts it on silent without looking at who’s calling.

She just needs one moment of peace before the other girls get here.

For some reason, she’s wound up tight, she rolls her shoulders and pulls on her arms trying to get the aches to disappear to no avail, her phone keeps buzzing but she can’t look at it, it’s probably something important but she just wants to pretend for a minute that life isn’t real.

She hasn’t seen Trixie in almost three whole weeks, which didn’t used to be a problem or even abnormal, but since they started dating or whatever around six months ago they haven’t been apart for more than a week and a half. She suspects that that’s probably contributing to her tense shoulders but that doesn’t seem healthy. She doesn’t know.

Her phone finally stops buzzing, so she closes her eyes and takes deep centering breaths, trying to purge her mind of all thoughts before anyone else walks in the door. 

She’s in Texas, and it’s so fucking hot and the air weighs so much that it feels like she could take some of it into her hand and it would be partially solid, she feels like she’s swimming in it. It’s reminiscent of how it felt about a month ago in LA when she and Trixie had five whole, wonderful days off that they spent half in bed and half on beaches and hiking, it was so unpleasantly hot but it was so pleasantly wonderful. Katya’s not one to dwell on the past, especially since now she doesn’t think that Trixie’s going anywhere anytime soon, but she wishes that she could have those days back, she wants to be there feeling Trixie’s body heat next to her laying in the sand, reading and listening to the waves.

She wants another cigarette but she should get dressed first, Alaska is supposed to be here tonight, and some other local girls that she doesn’t know, and it’ll be fun but she misses Trixie. She _misses_ her, and that in itself is worth commenting on because she’s fully aware that in two days she will be on the plane back to LA, to Trixie. But she wants her _right now_.

She blots her face and applies a bit more powder, she hopes that her makeup can stand this heat, it feels hotter than anywhere else she’s ever been. She’s horny too, she hasn’t had sex since the night before she left Trixie’s apartment, when Trixie had deepthroated her until her eyes had rolled back into her head and tears streaked down her face, moaning around her dick and-- fuck.

Katya is really fucking horny, and Alaska is gallivanting into the room, leaving the door open a crack behind her.

“ _Fuck,_ it’s hot,” Alaska drones, Katya fondly prepares herself for a night full of whining, at least she will have something to focus on other than her dick.

“Hey,” Katya smiles at her, Alaska grins back. Alaska, funnily enough, has had some kind of moral shift, and she’s been the most excited and most supportive of her and Trixie’s _whatever_. She’s made a habit of texting Katya around once a week asking how she’s doing, if she needs any advice. It just makes Katya even more fond of her, Alaska has always been her favorite and she’s constantly reminded of why.

Alaska settles down next to her, she doesn’t have any makeup on yet but she’s going on sometime after Katya, and she starts to organize all of her stuff, pulling out a mini fan from her bag, plugging it in and setting it on the counter, facing it at herself.

“Bitch, would you possibly like to share?” Katya grumbles goodnaturedly, Alaska snorting and turning it so that it hits both of them a little bit. It provides almost no relief but it’s better than nothing. Katya’s phone starts ringing again, and this time she doesn’t even notice, but Alaska does.

“Are you gonna pick that up?” She questions, her words lilting up high and low again at the end, Katya finally picking her phone up to see that Trixie is the one who’s been calling her nonstop for the past half hour. She fumbles her fingers quick to unlock it.

“Hey!” Katya knows that she sounds eager, but she wants to hear her voice, badly.

“Katya! Where are you?” Trixie sounds rushed, Katya is slightly disappointed because she thought that maybe somehow she could get Trixie on facetime in a bathroom stall for a few minutes before she goes onstage.

“In the dressing room, why?” Katya is half-focusing on the conversation now, she’s touching up an eyebrow and talking out of the side of her mouth, elbows resting on the counter. Alaska is humming one of her own songs to herself into Katya’s other ear.

“Okay, see you soon!” Trixie is panting a little, and Katya is digging around for her eyeshadow, she’s been working harder on her makeup lately and she wants to look really nice tonight, since she feels like in her personal life she’s maybe falling apart a little. At least she can _look_ hot if she doesn’t _feel_ hot.

“Okay,” Katya says, and Trixie hangs up before she can realize. “Wait, what?” Katya pulls her phone back and looks at the screen, Trixie has hung up and she has seven unread texts and four missed calls from her.

**T: Hey**

**T: Hey. Where are you rn?**

**T: Katya**

**T: I have a surprise**

**T: Omg, respond.**

**T: Katya!!**

**T: I’m calling you now, PLEASE answer.**

Katya is...intrigued but she doesn’t expect Trixie to come through the door like she does. Doesn’t expect her to pop up behind her in the mirror in full drag, grabbing her shoulders hard and fast with her big hands. Katya gasps and turns around, dizzy and shocked, her jaw is open and she’s pressing her fingertips into Trixie’s sides, on her waist where she’s cinched right above her padding. Trixie is grinning and laughing, Katya is too with big gulps of air. 

“Wh-- what? Bitch! What the fuck???” Katya is holding Trixie’s hand, her skin is hot and the air is hot and Katya’s moved away from the tiny fan, she’s sure that Alaska is laughing at them but maybe she hasn’t reacted, Katya doesn’t know because suddenly she has tunnel vision for Trixie and Trixie only. 

“Hey!” Trixie shrieks, Katya has one hand on her waist still, and she’s accidentally tickling Trixie with her thin fingers, Trixie’s brown eyes are sparkling and bright as she screeches with laughter, Katya’s never liked to look in someone’s eyes more. 

Katya pulls Trixie down to sit next to her, she can feel the sweat drip down her back and the air is heavier, now that she’s touched Trixie’s skin. Trixie holds up her finger to signal Katya to wait, goes to pick up her bags from next to the door and carries them back, settling herself next to Katya, closer than Alaska is on her right side but still not touching, it’s too hot and Katya is dying from it, Trixie’s arm right next to hers, she can feel the ghost of it on her damp skin.

“Okay, now you have to tell me, how the _fuck_ are you here?” Katya is turned towards her, her makeup abandoned, and Trixie is facing her too, her hand on the armrest of Katya’s chair. Almost touching, but not.

“I got booked here a few weeks ago, really last minute but I decided to surprise you!” Trixie looks so proud of herself, like she just showed up to Katya’s door with a bouquet of orange roses. Katya _feels_ like Trixie just showed up at her front door with a bouquet of orange roses.

It’s so good, so so good to see Trixie’s face. Katya has seen her, sure, in selfies and over facetime. But nothing could ever compare to the real thing, Trixie here in front of her solid and real, Katya can smell her and she missed her smell so badly. She feels stupid for thinking that she was being ridiculous for missing Trixie, how has she ever gone on without her?

Katya just grins at her and mouths _thank you_ , because now that she’s come out of her stupor more she realizes that all the other girls are in the room now, and she has to finish getting ready. Trixie grabs her arm and pulls her to her, lips on her ear, massive wig tickling Katya’s neck and breath prickling on her. 

“Can’t wait to come back to your room later,” Trixie is gone from her ear immediately, like she was never there. 

Katya wants to scream, and she feels like that’s typical for being teased by Trixie. She’s felt it many times before and she doesn’t particularly see an end to the about-to-combust feeling in sight.

They’ve been dating or boyfriends or whatever for around six months, but they haven’t talked about it much beyond their first “date” at the vegetarian restaurant. Katya doesn’t really know what Trixie wants, she's called her her boyfriend before but only the once that first morning, and she knows that they have to talk about it but she doesn’t necessarily want to be the one to bring it up. Trixie is still piling on more layers of powder, trying to keep her sweat in, and she keeps looking over at Katya and smirking.

Everybody knows, and nobody knows, it’s one of those things where Katya is sure that lots of other queens are aware that they’re together now but nobody’s asked her about it yet, maybe because everyone already thought they were dating before they even were. Katya doesn’t know, but she’s also very aware of how the local queens are stealing glances at the two of them, she knows that everyone wants to know, and she doesn’t know if Trixie wants to tell.

Katya isn’t a very secretive person, and she’s also not someone who cares if people talk about her. She doesn’t bother herself with that, and she’s pretty sure that Trixie is the same way but she doesn’t know. Because they haven’t talked about it. 

For some reason, since they’re doing their first show together in a couple months, Katya is even more aware of the awkwardness and the tension between her and Trixie and also with all of the other queens, and she likes how Trixie pulled her in fast and protectively to whisper in her ear. 

She likes the idea of belonging to her, and it’s making it hard for her to focus on the other issues that she needs to figure out. Maybe she’s pinpointed the problem-- she wants to fuck Trixie all the time, and Trixie wants to fuck her right back, and that’s why they haven’t talked. They’re both too focused on the current moment (and in Katya’s case too focused on Trixie’s ass) to make any serious plans for the future.

Trixie finishes touching up her powder, and she’s sitting on her phone as Katya stands to slip on her look, gazing up at Katya through her lashes in quick intervals as she bares her chest and legs. Trixie looks impatient, and Katya has no idea how they’re going to make it through the entire show. At least neither of them are closing, they can go back to the hotel early.

Alaska leaves to go get drinks, asks if anyone wants anything, and both Kaya and Trixie ask for water. So that’s how the night is going to go, Katya knows that Trixie is staying sober for a reason, and that reason is that she wants to fuck long and hard, and when Trixie looks directly at her as she sips out of her straw, her lips around it, her tongue sticking out, Katya rolls her eyes but she’s secretly begging her tuck not to pop. The heavy air is suffocating especially now with so many bodies backstage, Alaska’s fan has somehow broken and she’s sweating so much.

Trixie gets up, leaves for a moment, then comes back to sit next to Katya with tissues, holding one in her hand and looking at Katya expectantly. Katya unthinkingly leans forward, lets Trixie press up the sweat dripping down her forehead. 

Trixie finishes and puts her pointer finger on Katya’s chin, pushes it down to guide her head and torso back, Katya involuntarily whimpers at the gentle manhandling. 

Trixie bites her lip at the noise, stills with her finger still on Katya’s chin, Katya can feel the sweat and heat from it smearing her foundation, Trixie is staring into her eyes and Katya has somehow stopped breathing, her dress feels swampy and gross and Trixie’s thigh is pressing up against her knee, the heat of it is almost too much to bear.

Katya wants to take an ice bath, where is the _fucking_ air conditioning in this building, Trixie hasn’t moved and her eyes are scanning her face. Katya can’t stand it, she leans in closer until she’s inhaling the air coming out of Trixie’s mouth. 

She can feel Alaska’s eyes on her, on her and Trixie, the other girls are loud and she could do it, but then she would have to pull Trixie into the bathroom and suck her dick, Katya feels itchy and she wants it in her mouth, she needs to touch her mouth to _something_. 

So she does it, she pushes forward and their lips bump against each other, coated in waxy, sweaty lipstick and it’s gross but it feels so fucking good, Trixie’s fingers are digging tight into her knee and her finger has moved down from her chin to her chest, now that Katya’s started she can’t stop, she wants to feel all of Trixie against her but it’s not going to happen. So she bites Trixie’s bottom lip, hard, lipstick moving under her teeth and sticking onto them, then pulls away. 

Trixie follows her through the empty space between them for a moment, then opens her eyes, glaring at Katya as she wipes Trixie’s lipstick from her teeth in the mirror.

Katya is confident, she’s somehow suddenly certain that now is the time, well, if not now then tonight. 

“Can we talk later?” She glances at Trixie out of the corner of her eye, they got away with the kiss in front of everyone but Alaska, and Katya isn’t worried about Alaska making a fuss. Trixie has her lipstick out and she’s reapplying but stops at Katya’s inquiry, the stick still resting against her top lip as she mumbles “Sure,” and Katya nods, turns fully to grin at her, reassure her.

“Good!” Katya doesn’t want her to think that anything is wrong, like she can’t imagine fucking it up like that or being careless in that way. Part of the reason why she wants to talk is to make sure that Trixie is comfortable, that their relationship is healthy and that each of them knows what the other wants. 

Trixie smiles back cautiously (Katya is suddenly very aware that she’s been dumped so many times in the past couple years) and Katya pats her hand twice where it’s resting on the counter. Trixie seems mostly satisfied and goes back to her phone. 

Katya is still pretty shocked that Trixie is _here_ and maybe it was mean of her to spring on the promise of a “talk” later on. But Trixie’s had this booked for months, they’re okay. Katya takes pride in both of them being able to handle a relationship (or a whatever).

Trixie gets up a lot later to perform in the chaos backstage, and blows Katya a kiss as she leaves. Katya grins and cheekily pretends to catch it in the air, holds it to her heart. Trixie smiles softly and waves, Katya feels some kind of secure.

```

Katya thinks of Trixie all through her performance. Usually she’s completely lost in her own head onstage, she loves the people and the spotlight and the music and the chaos, but now all she can think of is _Trixie_ , and her dick, and how Trixie blew her that kiss.

For some reason it seems so domestic, and Katya looks out at the sea of people after she’s done and suddenly she wants _everyone_ to know. 

She doesn’t want to claim Trixie as her own, per say, but she wants everyone to know how they are joined together, how they are connected. 

They’ve filmed many an episode of UNHhhh after that first night, and each time it felt stilted, less genuine, because there was something new between them that was unshareable. Unavailable to the public, and definitely not genuine. Something that Katya considers to be the most important part of both of them.

And that shouldn’t bother her. She knows that it doesn’t bother Trixie, but also...how Trixie looks when she’s pressing a tissue to Katya’s forehead, how her brown eyes are so deep and how her pupils dilate. Katya is being thrown overboard at every second, when she thinks that she knows everything about Trixie sometimes Trixie will pull Katya to the car and take her to a fancy dinner. Or she’ll wake her up to bring her on a hike, pack a picnic and water bottles, towels for sweat, and skittles.

Trixie really is romantic, and Katya has never been hornier than the time that Trixie blindfolded her the moment she came in the front door of Trixie’s apartment and sat her down, opening the blindfold to a full dinner that she had made, with flowers and candles on the table, lights dimmed and apartment cleaned, holding Katya’s hand across from her. 

Katya had blown her in the kitchen when she was trying to fetch the dessert, but that’s neither here nor there-- Trixie is fascinating.

Once Katya gets back to the dressing room, Trixie is waiting there out of drag, showered and reading something on her phone. She looks soft, and Katya pulls off her wig and grabs her boy clothes to go shower, the room is deserted but for Trixie so she stalks over, she knows that she stinks, but she grabs Trixie’s jaw and leans down and kisses her open-mouthed, prolonged and hard, moaning at the feeling of Trixie’s chapstick against her lipstick, Trixie’s hand reflexively moving to grip her shoulder.

“Go shower,” Trixie growls, it goes right to Katya’s tuck and she pulls back, she knows her pupils are blown out wide. She turns around with her back to Trixie.

“Help me out?” Katya’s chest is heaving, it’s still hot as ever, and she wants Trixie’s big hands on her.

She doesn’t feel them.

(Trixie is behind her, eyes closed, trying to pull a centering breath from deep inside her stomach, Katya is so sweaty and flushed and Trixie wants her _now._ )

“Please… please touch me, Trix,” Katya whispers, whining and desperate, and Trixie’s hands are on her shoulders, running down the curve of her spine, resting on her padding, then tracing back up to take the zipper and pull, a few fingers trailing behind on the bare skin revealed by her actions.

Katya moans at the feeling of fingers on her flesh, it’s overstimulating and pulling at her tape. Trixie pulls the shoulders of the dress off of Katya fast, pulls the rest of the dress down and Katya steps out of it, turns to look at Trixie hungrily for a moment, then swivels to the shower.

```

It’s loud outside of the dressing room but Katya knows that Trixie can hear the water running. She knows that Trixie is thinking about her naked body, one that she knows well by now. Trixie has always loved Katya’s body from the first moment she laid eyes on it, she’s told Katya.

Katya thinks about that often.

Katya is rushing through her shower, scrubbing soap on her face hard and fast to get the makeup off. Her dick is half-hard and she can feel her arousal coming in heavy waves across her chest and through her thighs. Trixie is out there, packed up, waiting. She touched Katya like that, put her hands on her for the first time in so long and Katya needs those strong fingers around her dick like weeks ago.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_ ,” Katya whispers as she drops her shampoo on the tile beneath her feet, narrowly missing her toes as another wave of arousal makes her shiver, it’s like her entire body is aware of Trixie’s body in the other room, magnetized to it and stuck in orbit with it.

She dries off and pulls her clothes on, grabbing her bag and re-entering the dressing room where Trixie is still sitting, cross-legged on her phone. She looks up at Katya as she enters, again, and this time her pupils are wide, her eyelids drooping as she looks down at Katya’s bare calves.

“Come here,” Trixie groans, the room seems darker, maybe Trixie turned off a light? It’s probably 3am and Katya is more aware of the others coming back soon then she wants to be.

Katya stalks over anyway, Trixie stumbles up from her chair, taking hold of her duffel bag at the same time and swinging it over her shoulder. She hesitates, looks to the door, reaches out quickly to run her fingers through Katya’s drying hair, push it to the side where she’s sure it’s almost sticking up straight.

“Let’s go,” Trixie’s voice is low and slurred, Katya looks down and she’s half-hard.

Katya nods and separates herself from Trixie’s hot air, grabs her bag and backpack and follows Trixie to the door, silently. Trixie is breathing heavy out of her nose.

There’s a taxi already waiting for them outside, Trixie must have called it when Katya was in the shower. Trixie slides inside next to Katya and pulls out her phone, Katya following suit and she can feel Trixie’s eyes flickering onto her. It’s like a never-ending cycle of madness, Katya wants to be straddling Trixie’s lap almost more than anything she’s ever wanted before at this very moment.

A few nights ago Katya had gone on a youtube binge of Trixie’s performances, jerking her dick slowly to her thighs and how they rippled beneath her tights, how her muscles clenched and unclenched, imagining her teeth scraping against them.

Now, Trixie’s thighs are out, with her tiny shorts, in the darkness of the cab next to her. They’re both quiet because Katya knows that if they speak something will snap and they can’t afford to be messy right now. Trixie is probably still nervous, Katya knows that and she wants to make sure that she doesn’t go back on her promise that they’re going to talk, they need to do it. 

They’re going to touch first, though, she’s decided.

Anyways, Trixie’s thighs are out and one of her feet is on the raised part of the floor in the middle, her knee up closer to Katya’s hand resting in between them.

Katya reaches her fingers up to Trixie’s skin, keeping her palm firmly on the seat and stroking, almost tickling Trixie’s leg hair with her fingertips and nails.

Trixie is still looking at her phone defiantly, Katya’s eyes are hooded as she watching Trixie’s muscles shift below her skin as Trixie squirms a little in her seat. Katya feels like she’s foaming at the mouth, it’s disgusting but for some reason her mouth is flooded with saliva, she wants to lick Trixie’s skin.

Katya keeps licking her dry lips, Trixie’s eyes flickering over to her eyes and back, and back, and back. Katya can feel them on the back of her neck.

```

They leave the taxi at the hotel, carry their bags in in silence. Katya knows that Trixie didn’t even bother getting a hotel room, planning to stay with Katya, and she has all of her items with her.

Katya is leading to her room now, she can feel Trixie’s body next to her in the elevator. Her vision is blurry, that’s a new thing that happens to her when she’s feeling a little overwhelmed by Trixie and her dick and her strong arms.

Katya slides the room key in the slot, enters the room and throws her bags down on the floor. She’s half-out of her tank before Trixie even closes the door and is fully naked by the time Trixie turns her body towards the bed.

“Come here, bitch,” Katya growls, her teeth are gritted as she lies back against the pillow, dick in hand, eyes flooded with stinging tears at the stimulation _finally_. Trixie is panting, her dick is hard in her tiny shorts and Katya wants to lick it through the fabric.

Trixie pulls off her shirt and she’s tan, long and tall and _big_ , Katya wants to grab her and bite patterns across her chest. Trixie pulls off her tiny shorts and she’s not wearing anything underneath, Katya stops stroking herself at the sight of Trixie’s dick.

“Come- come here. I’m serious!” Katya half-whispers urgently. Trixie snorts and climbs onto the bed on all fours, crawls towards Katya and plants her mouth sloppily onto hers, breathing hard against her teeth and Katya’s lips are wet and slippery against Trixie’s, they’re already numbing as Trixie pushes hard against them with her soft ones.

“Trix-Trixie. Trixie, fuck, Trixie hey,” Katya is whispering between fast, hard kisses, Trixie’s eyes are closed and her fingers are pinching Katya’s nipple, rolling it and it hurts _so good_. Trixie pulls back and opens her eyes a little, looks down at Katya through brown lashes.

“What now,” Trixie rolls her eyes, smirks.

“Can I. I mean, I wanna, I want to suck it. Your dick, ” Katya isn’t focusing, Trixie’s other hand that isn’t on her nipple is on her hip, fingers tracing gently along the thin skin there, Katya wants that big hand on her dick so bad, but mostly she wants Trixie’s dick in her mouth.

“Yeah, yeah okay,” Trixie climbs off of her, lets go of her, and Katya is so cold she’s almost shivering down her spine, her hands are shaking with it as she pushes Trixie’s big shoulders gently down on the pillow, twists and sits between her open legs.

“God, your thighs, fuck, Trix. I wanna lick them, I’ve wanted to for _days_ , you’re so fucking hot,” Katya is rambling as she slides her palms up Trixie’s calves, Trixie’s dick is red and dripping onto her stomach, and Katya lifts her right hand to swipe up some precum onto her fingers from the tan expanse and sticks them into her mouth, groaning loud around them at the taste, eyes closing and fluttering involuntarily.

“Get on with it,” Trixie’s voice is strained and she’s glaring at Katya when she opens her eyes, from the pillows. Katya grins wide at her, winks from down at her ankles, and Trixie looks off to the side like they’re being filmed, like she’s playing for the camera.

It’s hot, Katya’s dick throbs at the thought of fucking in front of Chris and Ron and the universe, on the camera and in front of the green screen, Trixie’s dick in her mouth for everyone to see, her choking on it and drooling on it.

Katya brings her hands to Trixie’s thighs, bites the inside of each one hard and long, she’s had dreams every night the past few days about leaving purple marks there, Trixie keening above her in pain and frustration. Katya wants to spend eternity between Trixie’s thighs, they’re smooth and Katya is running her fingers up, up, up to tease Trixie’s dick.

Trixie grunts at Katya’s fingers just almost there, and brings up a heavy hand to stick it in Katya’s hair, pulls her up off of her thigh and looks straight at her.

“Please, Katya, please,” Trixie’s voice is hushed.

Katya keeps looking into her eyes as she licks the tip, lets Trixie push herself into her mouth. Katya loves the taste of her, wants her on her tongue all the time, wants it warm and hard and she wants Trixie to fuck her mouth, bad.

She nods once and Trixie is thrusting, Katya drooling all down her chin as she chokes on it and groans around Trixie’s dick. Trixie is moaning loud as Katya rotates her tongue, sucks down hard, and Trixie’s hands have migrated down to grip the sheets but she pulls one up to hold Katya’s head in place and Katya can’t breathe, her eyes are rolling with the pleasure of the missing air, and she cums right there thrusting onto Trixie’s calf, untouched as Trixie cums into her mouth, holds her head still through it.

When she lets go, Katya swallows, wipes her face and Trixie’s leg off on the sheets, and climbs on top of Trixie, stuffs her face into her shoulder, sighing into her warm skin.

```

After a few moments of silence and Katya stroking Trixie’s hip unthinkingly, Trixie shifts to face her, pulls her head back so they can look into each other’s eyes. Trixie’s eyes are sparkling and she’s smiling a little.

“What did you want to talk to me about,” She’s not asking a question but she sounds more reassured, now that Katya’s choked down her entire dick as far as it would go she seems less worried about a potential breakup.

“Oh! Yeah,” Katya had forgotten. “I just- this seems stupid, well stupid _now_ , I mean. Not stupid! I think that it’s valid that I’m asking this, but. Maybe it is stupid now? I don’t know. No, it’s not- sorry, I’m kinda figuring this, well, all of this out as I go along,” Katya mumbles. Trixie lets her speak, watching her eyebrows rise and fall. Katya’s grown her eyebrows out and they’ve bleached from the sun.

“I guess. We haven’t really talked about this? I mean. I love you, and you love me. I know that,” Katya is nodding, she isn’t nervous but she is hoping that Trixie will understand her point.

“Yeah, we haven’t, and that’s probably bad,” Trixie huffs out a laugh, she’s still smiling at Katya and Katya smiles back, Trixie brings up a finger to touch the wrinkles by her eyes. “And I do love you,” Trixie brings her finger up along Katya’s eyebrow.

Katya’s breath hitches, her chest feels full, Trixie often gets these moments that Katya had never seen from her before where she’ll whisper something to Katya, or bring her flowers, or come surprise her at a show in Texas when they haven’t seen each other for weeks, things that are so incredibly _romantic_ that Katya can barely stand it. Katya sighs out a shuddering breath and she can feel herself smiling at Trixie.

Trixie is watching Katya, and Katya knows that she’s letting her speak at her own pace, as her thoughts come to her.

“So, um. I guess I just wanted to know, are we, boyfriends? Or partners, or what term do you want to use. Where do you see us in five years? I don’t know, I don’t know where _I_ see us in five years but I’d like to be with you, I guess? I don’t guess, I know? And I hope that you feel that way too. I know you do, so. Oh! I also want to know how you feel about, telling people, that kind of thing.”

Trixie has started laughing and now Katya is laughing too, shaking the bed with it, Trixie is clenching her fist tight around Katya’s wrist and they’re still naked and Trixie is losing it, laughing so hard, screeching out _in five years? In Five Years??_ and Katya is wheezing, then suddenly Trixie is gone from her side, fallen off the bed.

“Oh, my GOD,” Katya is heaving laughs and Trixie is still on the floor, Katya’s arm attached to her by tight fingers, her wrist off the edge of the bed. 

Trixie eventually rolls back on, and as she does so she wraps both of her strong arms around Katya, the arms that are haunting Katya’s subconscious and dreams every night Trixie isn’t there in bed with her.

From where her mouth is pressed up against Trixie’s chest, up and down with her breaths, Katya breathes, “Move in with me,” her lips brushing skin and heartbeat.

Trixie pulls back and looks at her, assessing if she’s being serious. Katya tries to tone down the pure joy that she knows is in her eyes to make sure that Trixie knows she isn’t joking.

“I’m serious. Let’s find a place. Two bedrooms.”

“So I don’t have to sleep with you, thank god,” Trixie is smiling so bright, and Katya’s heart is rising in her chest.

“Is that a yes?” Katya is bursting with it again, she can feel it in her stomach.

“Yes, idiot, let’s find a place,” Trixie is rolling her eyes but smiling, her hands are around Katya’s biceps.

“Can you touch me again in maybe a half an hour?” Katya wiggles her eyebrows up at Trixie, lips pulled across her teeth, disgusting. 

“Shut up!” Trixie screeches, pushes Katya off of her and walks to the end of the bed to grab her toothbrush from her suitcase. 

“You can’t be my boyfriend unless you come and brush your teeth, you bitch,” she turns the bathroom light on and Katya can hear the water running as she climbs out of the sheets, into the light and mirrors and Trixie.

```

When Katya wakes up in the morning she has endless phone notifications, leading back to Trixie’s instagram where there’s a sneaky shirtless, cropped mirror selfie of the two of them brushing their teeth.

Katya smiles and drifts back off, Trixie around her sleeping and young, cheek pressed up against Katya’s chest, arm tight around her and legs stretched out. It feels like the bed is rocking on waves, and sometimes Trixie’s fingers twitch on Katya’s sides.


End file.
